The Rule of Benedict: Prologue (2/122)

3:23 PM EDT Sunday.

Today's reading is Prologue (2) – The Rule of Benedict.

This afternoon I find myself profoundly humbled by the RB and the commentaries I have just read on it. I don't think I should do much more than absorb the transmission of divine light I am receiving from the authors of The Rule of Benedict and Commentary for Benedictine Oblates. I have to work hard to remind myself that it's okay that I am not yet baptized and that my Christology is probably too low on some days and too high on others. It's okay that I am not a formal Benedictine oblate, and it's okay that I will be considering Luther's arguments against monastic vows later this year. This is an important step in my discernment nevertheless, and God is hopefully pleased with my commitment to run this four-month Benedictine marathon.

I am reluctant to comment on The Rule of Benedict website again. I don't want to deface the serenity of a stunningly beautiful cloister wall with schizoaffective grandiosity graffiti. That's being very hard on myself, of course, but I have a tough inner critic. I can't remain a mercurial dilettante for the rest of my life. I am making too much progress in my psychiatric recovery, and these are serious students of Saint Benedict. I can't imagine what it is like to be an actual Benedictine monk with decades of meditation on the Rule under my belt. The holiness of it terrifies me even as it draws me in. I feel like a naive, grandiose moth consumed by the flame of eternal truth. Am I really having an encounter with God here? Is God really calling me to undertake this path? Who am I to comment every day on The Rule of Benedict? I should be reading in silence my first time through!

"These are natural Day Two thoughts and questions," my inner teacher tells me. "Gently ride it out. Don't jump to any discernment conclusions, one way or the other. Remain firm in your commitment to run this 122-day Benedictine marathon while you have the light. God will bring you to new degrees of wisdom and integrity in due course."

Video at top: Episode 2 – Obedience as Deep Listening – The Rule of St. Benedict for Daily Life with Kris McGregor.