My Monastic Fishhook

In yesterday's entry, I extracted from Greg Peters' introduction to The Story of Monasticism (TSM) the importance of identifying and summarizing the evolution of my fishhook into monasticism. Here is a six-sentence version.

1) I was raised as an atheist materialist by a single mother in upstate New York during the 1970s and 1980s and became emotionally dependent on pornography and masturbation in middle school. 2) During my junior year of high school, I began to exhibit symptoms of bipolar schizophrenia, but I avoided a formal diagnosis until my late forties. 3) I quit high school when I had a spiritual awakening - or was it a psychotic break? - shortly after reading The Brothers Karamazov for a humanities class. 4) This led to independent study of Krishnamurti's The Awakening of Intelligence, the start of a Zen Buddhist practice, and a psychedelic-induced near-death experience at the age of eighteen that convinced me of God's existence, the reality of Jesus, and my call to celibacy. 5) I struggled for the next thirty years through significant spiritual, social, occupational and mental health challenges, and it was not until December of 2021 - just as I was about to turn fifty - that God finally gave me the grace I needed to fully repent of my emotional dependence on pornography and masturbation, at which point I transitioned into stable celibate chastity and serious Christian monastic discernment. 6) Hence, four years later, I am now systematically digesting "a book on the history of Christian monasticism geared toward a ressourcement of the tradition for the twenty-first century" (Peters, p. 2) and writing this blog to help me and my readers discern the best path forward.

There is much else to say, of course, but that is not the purpose of this exercise.

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, He saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. “Come, follow Me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” And at once they left their nets and followed Him. Going on from there, He saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, mending their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed Him.  (Matthew 4:18-22, BSB)

Please keep me in your prayers.