Discerning Catholicism: Part 02

It's 11:28 AM on Sunday as I begin to write. In order to start working my way into comfort with possibly attending Mass at one of my local Catholic parishes, on the way to participation in OCIA, I have been watching Daily TV Mass in the mornings for about five days straight. It's a great way to get into the Word, and it has other benefits, but it's still a little bit strange for me aesthetically, and I struggled with the centering of alcohol at first. I'll keep with the Mass virtually (maybe not every day, but at least on Sundays) until I learn the names of its parts and discern how it seems to be influencing my spiritual journey overall. It's great exposure therapy for my post-COVID, post-hospitalization church anxiety (cf. How to Overcome Church Anxiety - Abundant Life). On the other hand, I haven't ruled out a genuine calling to deep solitude. Here is a really powerful search response from Google Gemini that shows how AI can be incorporated into spiritual discernment: 

I honestly feel that I line up better with the column that speaks to a genuine spiritual calling to solitude, but I know that I still have some post-COVID and post-hospitalization social anxiety, too, and I don't want to cut any corners in my discernment. Sister Laurel thinks it would be good for me to get to Mass and go through OCIA in my local parish with a long-term view (about ten years, give or take) for discerning a serious call to become a Catholic hermit, blogger, and Spiritual Director like her.

I think her advice is on the mark, but I probably need to resolve my questions about whether consulting a geocentric chart of the solar system and using cannabis as a medicine are always sins before I get too much farther into this. The issue of mandatory celibacy for priests is also huge. I am fairly sure I have been called to eremitic celibacy - it feels like a deep, long-term conviction - but I don't know that I agree with the Catholic Church that priestly celibacy should be mandatory. At the same time, I don't see much support from the Protestants for voluntary Christian hermits, clergy, and monasteries. Maybe each side of the argument has taken it a little too far? 

During my morning walk I listened to the following additional videos:

• No More Hiding from the Truth # 1 - Creatures and Doxology
• Veganism Is A Privilege That Is Not Accessible To All | No Offence But…
• Bob Marley & The Wailers - Redemption Song (Official Music Video)
• Not Everyone Can Go Vegan Explained
• Does God Punish Us? - Bishop Barron's Sunday Sermon

Does God use corporal punishment to discipline us? Or do we punish ourselves when we break God's laws and reap the natural consequences, consistent with our God-given free will? Is sin generally a rational free choice, or is it almost always born of irrational ignorance? Deep questions inspired by Bishop Barron's homily, especially in light of Pastor Frank Hoffman's strong warnings about climate change, but I found myself even more struck this morning by Isaias Hernandez at Queer Brown Vegan. He (is that the right pronoun?) made some really good points that left me wondering if my straight white proto-Christian veganism isn't perhaps somewhat more selfish and superficial than I would like to think it is. At the same time, I suspect queer brown vegans are also susceptible to sin, including the sin of pride. Either way, Hernandez doesn't sound like someone who is shutting down healthy, fruitful dialogue on the cutting edge of the metropolitan left in NYC and LA. The Church may not agree with Hernandez, but perhaps it can agree on the importance of listening to the concerns and insights of his unique demographic. It would be interesting to hear him in a searching conversation about social virtue and environmental justice with a straight white vegan Catholic.